Lying back on the chair I held my right wrist tightly, attempting to relax as the tattoo artist traced the precise lines of silhouetted birds onto my pale, sensitive skin.
As his needle buzzed, I allowed myself to come to terms with my new identity; single mom, divorcee, ex-wife. This was the first moment in a long while where I felt control over my own future. In that moment, I accepted my new path.
One of my best gal pals sat by my side, holding my hand and snapping photos. She softly asked me if it hurt.
‘Haha! Not really…’ I laughed shaking my head.
‘You know, he broke my heart. Nothing really hurts… but I’ll say this does burn like hell…’ I grimaced as the needle pinched into a softer spot on my wrist.
My tattoo wasn’t a decision made lightly.
Up until this point, I have survived 37 years without any desire for a tattoo. Permanently altering your body is a BIG decision and one that requires sufficient consideration. My daughter looks to me as her example. I am now and will forever be her mother and this fact weighs heavily on every decision I make. It was important she understand the many things that were considered before finalizing such a big decision.
As a ‘tattoo virgin’ I had questions. When and where was I getting this done?! After all, I didn’t want a ‘prison’ tattoo and I expected cleanliness & professionalism. But most importantly, WHAT exactly was I going to permanently ink on my body??
My Tattoo Considerations
- I would use one of my own photographs.
- The number 3 is significant. Three birds would represent my journey: the struggle to find the truth, the strength to move forward and the love for my daughter which ultimately set me free.
- I asked friends about tattoo parlors & did the”ole” google search. I asked friends, read reviews and ultimately decided Exhile Tattoo 2 would be the place; they received good reviews about their cleanliness and professionalism. I booked my appointment with Bob Rodriguez, a recommended artist working there.
- April 1st was the day. It marked the first day of my new life. In the weeks prior, I gave into my emotions, consciously mourning my lost future while preparing for the new one.
The photograph I selected was taken last Christmas. My (soon to be ex) husband moved out in November just shy of the holiday season. In an effort to distract my daughter (and myself), I filled our holidays with activities and friends. We spent Christmas with a few of my dearest girlfriends and their children and as the kids chased each other and ran circles in the front yard, I looked upon the changing winter sky. The faithful flocks of geese squawked noisily overhead as they continued along their annual journey South.
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There is something beautiful about the journey.
This year brought about fundamental changes in my life. Epic changes for which I didn’t prepare. But I’ve lived through enough to understand that life will surprise us all with change. How we respond to it, well that’s the true test.
Change can destroy you or it can make you stronger. He was my greatest weakness but that’s now in the past.
I am closing a chapter: a decade spent dedicating my life energy to someone else. I learned many truths about myself and I’ve been broken down, changing to the core. This mark, my tattoo, is an outward symbol of an internal change; a visual reminder that I am indeed different.
This became a catalyst for continuing changes. I’ve had to step back, evaluate and decide how I would become stronger through this instead of allowing my emotions to prevail.
My evolution from artist to advocate has begun. My brand is a reminder for truth, taking control of life, creating a better world. It does not remind me of what was lost but rather what I have gained.
Where are you on your journey?
